Finding Me

FINDING ME

I’ve spent the largest part of my life, denying parts of myself, because I didn’t fit into the “normal” category – my perception of “normal” anyway

From as far back as I can remember – I was interested in all things psychic, other worldly, or in other words, things that couldn’t be explained.

But did I follow that path?

Be open about it?

Hell No!!

I didn’t want to face the sceptics, or the naysayers.

Without feeling comfortable enough about it myself, how could I be able to stand true to my feelings, or be able to explain the things I experienced.

Feelings

You see, I have always “felt” others emotions, in truth, a lot of people do, either directly feeling it within the body, or just somehow knowing.

What I have now come to realise is we are all made of energy, and it’s the energy that other people can sense.

Have you ever walked into a room after an argument?

You’ve no doubt heard the expression “you could cut the atmosphere with a knife”. Well that is the residual energy that you are feeling.

Some people (like me) are more sensitive to feeling that energy, and they can pick up on the more subtle energies – when something just doesn’t feel right.

So what have I done about it

After having denied this about myself for most of my life – down played the ability as just being a hunch.  I even denigrated this, passing it off as “just me being silly –pay no attention”.  or “I’m just being overly sensitive at the moment”.

Any of this sound familiar?

It took me until my early 50’s to start to take any of this seriously, and start to explore it.

My girls were at an age where they were more self sufficient, and didn’t need me as much.

My husband had started to explore these concepts from his exposure to yoga, and I finally felt that it was OK for me to explore this side of myself that I had denied for decades.

Do I wish I had started this journey before I did.
Well, Yes and No

The Pros and Cons

I could have started this journey so much earlier, instead of denying this part of me existed, andI could already be at the point of expanded abilities, so Yes, I do wish I had started exploring this earlier……..But

Right now – in this moment, it’s the perfect time for me, as I’m willing to embrace all that I am (the good and the bad).  It’s also a lot more accepted, people in general are a lot more open to the possibilities. Plus, as my family are no longer so reliant on my time, I have the freedom to explore these things.

So much easier to hide

If I’m honest, I’m a coward in a lot of respects.  I was happy playing small.

It’s was so much easier to hide.

I didn’t have to justify myself and my beliefs, or go against the “norm” and have to battle, and argue, and have people thinking I was weird.

At the heart of it all, I was a people pleaser – a chameleon of sorts.

I would change myself to fit in, to be liked, to be accepted. It was just so much easier to deny those parts of me – and cowardly!!

Acceptance of my truth.

Acceptance was such a huge thing for me – still is to a large degree.

I no longer consider myself a people pleaser.

I still want to be liked (and who doesn’t), but I’m no longer willing to change to be liked, to stand in my own truth, and be authentic.

Sleeping Volcano

I still try to avoid conflict – It unbalances me – makes me feel physically sick.

Now don’t get me wrong, when someone really pushes my buttons, or threatens someone dear to me – look out!

I can be vicious, lashing out with words that wound.

Spewing out venom like an erupting volcano. (I think you get the picture )

This generally takes a lot to get me to this point (note: my children and husband may disagree with this, but this is my story!! )

Now, I find myself feeling quietly confident.

I know my worth, and understand what I’m good at.

I’m beginning to understand a deeper part of me, my purpose if you like.

Balance and Harmony

I’m naturally drawn to want heal, soothe, and to bring back balance and harmony, but I can now realise when I need to stand back.

I’ve found I can acknowledge my strengths, without being big headed about it.

I’m not perfect, I don’t want to be. Perfection is an illusion in my opinion – something that is unattainable.

What I am is real, and honest, with both myself and others. I admit when I’ve made a mistake, and I look for the opportunity to grow from it, to learn.

I’ll be honest when I don’t have the capabilities – when the problem is far greater than I currently know. This was a hard one for me, as I always want to help.

Learning is a continuing journey

I am learning to listen and trust in that inner voice, when it speaks.

This decision to trust and step away from helping is not always received well, but part of my journey is understanding what I’m capable of, and how willing others are in receiving.

I’m still learning everyday.

Learning about the current perimeter of my knowledge and abilities  and how I can expand those.

Understanding when my guidance system pulls me back from things, and when the pull back is resistance.

I’m learning how to be me and be OK with that

It’s a journey I’m willing to embark on, with all the hills, and valleys, the obstacles and the challenges. Everything put in my path, both good and bad, is a learning opportunity for me to evolve.

Finding me is one of the most challenging and rewarding things I have ever done.

But I am worth it.

Planting a seed

PLANTING A GARDEN IS A BELIEF OF TOMORROW

I came across this little gem whilst searching the internet for inspiration, and it struck a chord.

I had never given much thought to gardening and the promise that it brings. Not being a gardener myself probably contributed to this lack of thought, but that one little statement got me thinking….
How does your garden look?
Does it need a little tidying?
For those of us in the southern hemisphere, we are in the midst of the colder months of the year. This is the time to let go of what is no longer serving a purpose, pruning away the dead wood, clearing the debris and the weeds that can choke new life, and clear a space for new things to come forth.
It’s the promise of spring, connecting with the earth and preparing the base for new life and ideas.

Nourishing the soil in your own fertile mind.
Planting the seeds that will spring forth with divine timing
You may need to consider these questions:
What are the seeds you are planting now?
Are they the seeds of hope prosperity and possibility, or are they the seeds of doubt and negativity?
How are you nourishing your seeds?
Are you providing yourself enough of the right kind of nourishment not just for your body, but for your mind and soul as well.

Remember that your thoughts have energy.

This energy can change the chemicals in your brain, which then in turn affect how you feel within yourself
Keeping your energy as high vibe as possible, will ensure that you have the right chemical mix in your brain, allowing you to easily brush off those negative influences, either from your own thoughts, or the thoughts and actions of others.
No matter how much of a positive person you are, sometimes things happen that can bring you down – the important thing to remember then, is to honour those feelings, be truthful with yourself and above all be kind to yourself.
Tend to yourself, like you would a garden, try not to let it get overgrown and forgotten. Nourish it with love, water , positivity and good quality food.
Bring awareness to the things in your garden that you need to let go of. Things that serve no purpose, and are just there, taking away nutrients, bringing down the whole vibe
Bring in freshness, get in touch with the seasons, learn new things, try out different ways, turn over the soil and be aware of when you just need to rest.
Like a garden, you need to go deep within yourself sometimes, right down into your roots, to reflect, to understand at a deeper level.
Once you have that deeper level knowledge, new growth can occur, your garden can expand and flourish
Even on the darkest of days, there can still be growth, growth from within, a greater and deeper understanding with the promise of brighter, warmer days ahead.

Appreciation

I have found myself facing some health challenges over the past few months, and to be honest, I haven’t risen to meet those challenges head on.
The fear of the situation brought me down, and I allowed the victim mentality to creep in.
I’ve recognised that now, and I’ll own it.
Recognising that, the inclination to then swing into blaming myself surfaced. That kind of thinking doesn’t lead anywhere, except allowing you to spiral deeper into the land of negativity.

I’m now starting to look at these challenges with appreciation, and look at what I can learn from them.
I appreciate the opportunity to look at how I can make some changes to my lifestyle
Looking at everything through a different lens has given me the opportunity to look at my actions (and non actions) and see if from a different perspective
I feel so grateful for all the learning opportunities that I have had over the past 12-18 months, both due to me seeking knowledge, and what life has presented
We all have a choice on how we handle any situation.
It could be looking at the situation with the optimistic framework, or the learning opportunity that it presents.
OR
We can start off down the more pessimistic path, and look at all the things that are going wrong.

I’ve certainly been on that dark gloomy path over the past few months.
I’m now choosing to change paths, and veer across to the optimistic view.

This represents a chance for me to grow a greater appreciation for the life I have:
I am so grateful for my fabulous family, who surround me with such love and support.
I choose to appreciate more fully the friends that I have gathered over the years and value their unique gifts.
I can also now appreciate being on the dark and gloomy path, as that has shown me aspects of myself, that while may not be my best attributes, they are still a part of the whole picture.
I’ve always thought of myself as the “glass half full” kind of gal,athough lately, that half full glass has been seeming a little empty.
I recently read Gabby Bernstein’s book “Super Attractor” and 1 thing sits above everything else for me; “choose again”
She writes, ‘everyone has periods in their life that don’t seem to go well, In those moments we have a choice,; we can choose to stay on the path of negative thinking, or we can reach for the next best thought, then the next, and the next”
To look for the opportunities or the benefits we can gain from any situation. I love this concept and for me, this is something that I’m trying to incorporate into my everyday life.
So in those moments, when I give in to the negative, because I’m tired or hurting.
I try forgive myself, and then reach for a more positive thought or emotion. I remind myself, this situation I’m currently in will not last forever, I’m taking the steps I need to heal, and as long as my thoughts are more in the balance of positive than negative, I’m winning.

Being in a state of appreciation has ripple effects.
Appreciating the moments of beauty in each day.
By letting someone know that you appreciate their efforts, can maybe inspire them to pay it forward, or just raise their spirits, which in turn raises the spirits of those around them.
I truly appreciate all of you who have read this post, and I hope that you have found some benefit.
I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to share my story in some small way, and maybe some of my message will resonate with you, maybe not, but that’s OK. I thank you for the time you’ve taken to read this.
Until next time
Lorraine